Zoroastrianism:
Monotheism Before it was Cool
By Clear Cut History
January 16, 2018
Are you a pyromaniac hipster history nerd who thinks it’s cool to reject organized religion? Well have I got good news for you; Zoroastrianism is making a comeback. Actually, it’s not, considering that in all likelihood you’ve never heard of it, but converting is worth the effort. Here’s a brief summary as of why, and by the end I think I’ll have you convinced.
So here’s the origin story. Zoroaster (sick name), was a priest in the proto-Zoroastrian religion, living in Eastern Iran around 1600BCE. In typical starting-a-new-religion-form, he hallucinated a bit, was basically like hey guys what if there was only one God, and everyone else was like “you idiot that will never catch on”, and then it caught on. A lot. Zoroaster met up with this regional king Vishtaspa, who embraced the new religion and let it develop in his territory. The whole thing hit the scene in a major way in the 6th century during the Arcaemenian Dynasty when Persia popped up, was suppressed when Alexander the Great rolled through, and then was revived again when the Persians figured themselves out again and formed the Sassanid dynasty. There’s your brief history. Now onto the beliefs and all that.
So one of the first things you need to know about Zoroastrianism is that it’s a dualistic faith. This sounds a little weird, but if you practice Judaism, Christianity, Islam, or take part in modern Western society, then it’ll become really familiar really quick. Essentially everything has its light side and dark side, good vs. evil, pirate vs. ninja, Jedi and Sith, and so on. The big one in Zoroastrianism was Asha vs. Druj; Asha means being honest and principled, while Druj is the opposite. Pretty simple. Another aspect of a dualistic religion that you’ll be familiar with is the idea of heaven and hell, which Zoroastrianism also was big on. Except they didn’t call it heaven and hell, when you died you either went to “The excellent abode” which sounds like a pretentious review of a Four Seasons Hotel, and “The Worst Existence”, which sounds like a review for the Red Roof Inn. Zoroastrianism is also big on fire; it’s eternally lit in Zoroastrian temples and fed five times a day. But in typical Zoroastrian dualism form, water is also important and is involved in a lot of rituals as well.
So, almost every religion is big on marketing, and Zoroastrianism is no exception. Take a look at that man eagle, the symbol of Zoroastrianism. Well it’s not called a man-eagle you uncultured fool it’s called Faravahar, and guess what it’s not just a man eagle; get ready for your daily dose of symbolism because every tiny detail on that thing means something:
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The guy stands for the connection of humanity and the universe, because he’s both a dude and an eagle. So far so good. The three layers of feathers each stand for a Zoroastrian tenant. The first layer stands for good thoughts, the second layer for good words, and the third layer for good actions. The way they're layered is pretty deliberate, too. Good thoughts on top lead to good words which lead to good actions. Simple enough. But guess what, feathers can be evil too, especially when everything needs to be dualistic. And so now direct your attention to the tail of the bird. The first layer stands for bad thoughts, the second bad words, and the third bad actions. The two stringy loops on each side of the tail are known as Sepanta Minu and Ankareh Minu, and each face different directions, and the guy is facing this just means that you need to look forward to the good, and away from the bad. I told you literally everything is symbolic. You’ll also notice man-eagle is hoola-hooping. While I really truly wish that was actually true, it’s actually identified as the circular nature of man’s spirit; it has no beginning and no end. That probably makes more sense, but I’m still holding out hope for the ancient sacred hoola-hoop. And finally, one of his hands points up, which means you need to struggle to prosper (duh). The other hand holds a ring, which historians say symbolizes a covenant with religion. That one does make sense, and even today rings symbolize faithfulness, e.g. marriage.
It’s easy to look at Zoroastrianism and cast it off as something that has no impact in today’s world, but that couldn’t be further from the case. Just as Zoroastrianism was reaching its height among the proto-Persian people, Judaism began to develop, and it’s really impossible to say that Zoroastrianism had no impact whatsoever on the early stages of Judaism given the fundamental similarities between the two (the whole duality, good vs. evil, monotheistic vibe). And if you don’t buy that, Zoroastrianism directly influenced Christianity as well. Have you ever wondered who those guys bringing myrrh, frankincense and gold were? No they didn’t just emerge from the desert like Tuskan Raiders on Tatooine (big on the Star Wars references today). They were, you guessed it, Zoroastrian priests. And even if you don’t buy that, Zoroastrianism influenced Islam as well. A big part of Zoroastrian rituals was feeding a fire five times a day. Guess who prays five times a day: Muslims. So basically, this religion you’ve never even heard of has been key in forming the majority modern belief systems, both philosophically and religiously, and therefore has had a huge impact on your life today.
And yet it’s still dying out. So, if you’re into preserving historic cultural traditions of momentous importance but don’t have the means nor motivation to pull a Nick Cage and steal the Declaration of Independence, just consider converting to Zoroastrianism. And whenever your friend says they just got home from church, you can say you just finished feeding your temple’s eternal fire and that you were monotheistic before it was cool.
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